A perfect picture: Daddy works, gets home, child runs and hugs the dad, Mom happily prepares a meal, everyone gathers around the dining table to say what a great day they had.
This is a perfect picture of a perfect family with healthy relationships. But of course, with all of us being students of this subject called LIFE, we all know that not everything is rainbows and butterflies. One hopes for this perfect picture, (not the Braidy Bunch type though). But of course perfect relationships don’t come in a box that you just order online. It should be constantly worked on especially by us parents. And this is pretty much the gist of what I learned from a #BetterMe session by Certified Life Coach, Pia Acevedo organized by Mommy Mundo’s SoMoms.
Knowing and analyzing if your relationship with your family is very essential, obviously. It sounds like it’s an easy topic. But there’s actually more to it than what it seems. But I can safely say that after some deliberation from this session, our relationship as a family could pass with flying colors. But I have to admit there are a few major points that I have to work on. (I’m only huuuuuuman....)
Let me try to attempt to share what I learned from Coach Pia:
|Photo by The Food Alphabet|
How do I know my relationship with my partner is healthy?
I don’t have to put on a show. I can be myself while meeting his needs. Meaning I don’t have to act like Bree Vandekamp of Desperate Housewives to nurture him. I can be my crazy self but make sure I cater to his needs at the same time. In relation to this, we both need to feel respected and understood in our own way. (Each couple have their own style of respect and understanding and that’s fine as Coach Pia said. There’s no set rule in giving respect) And also, by being myself, I can nurture my little Rainbow and she has to feel that nurture that I give her.
To build a healthier relationship, these are the aspects I need to consider...
Maintain and develop trust . No problem with this. I trust my husband 100% with my life!
The ability to learn continuously – Guilty as charged! I know marriage and life in particular is a never ending learning curve. But I have to admit sometimes when I get told off by my husband if I did something wrong and what I should have done, I tend to get defensive. Sometimes I don’t like being told how to do certain things. (Except of course at work hehe) So I need to work on that. One must be mature enough to admit that there are still lots to learn about family life and of course about your evolving relationship with your partner as well.
Another thing that made me want to melt was to communicate openly. I know... I know... communication is the key to a healthy relationship. But I think it’s in my genes that I hate confrontations (yes blame it on the genes, Rina). I really hate it. Richie knows this. I feel all awkward and I always cry. So sometimes I first analyze why I’m mad and if I’m being rational. The debate goes on and on in my head until I finally decide that I might be being shallow and just drop the whole thing). DON’T DO THIS AT HOME! Pawang propesyonal lamang hahaha (Only professionals can do this stunt haha). I know this is not healthy but trust me I am (and have been) working on it.
Next is to have the willingness and ability to cooperate and create a plan. This refers to setting expectations and goals. Both should be willing to work together and define common values and principles. Thankfully Richie and I do share common values in life, most especially when it comes to family. We both have the same goal which is to be able to raise a happy, God-fearing, respectful little daughter (and son maybe in the near future hehe)
Next is to adapt and be flexible. My husband and I are the same in many ways (especially when it comes to humor. I totally get his shallow jokes that sometimes other people don’t get hehe. But of course in some ways we are different as well. And we both just have to adapt and be flexible in those differences.
Another one is the ability and willingness to let go and forgive. We've had our share of dramas during our boyfriend / girlfriend stage. And I believe we’ve already tested our ability to let go and forgive. Because past is past. Like this one saying I came across with that said something like... “If the past calls, don’t answer. It has nothing new to say”. Couldn't have said it better myself!
And last by not the least, the willingness and ability to sacrifice. It’s not always about us. Once we start our own family, it’s always about the family. Why do you think Richie and I have been wearing the same outfits in most of our posts? Hahahaha! It's because we prioritize Rain's milk first. (I still breastfeed though for her afternoon naps and before going to sleep). Sacrifice of course does not only pertain to material things. It also applies in having quality time with your family instead of hanging out with your friends, or maybe as simple as letting your partner or your child hold the tv remote control. (Im more updated with Disney Junior episodes than the current news, I tell you.)
My little family and I try to always be on the positive side. It’s quite challenging especially when sometimes challenges seem to arrive like luggage in a conveyor belt from a newly landed plane. But I’m counting my blessings because our problems do not include health or anything that contradicts the 10 commandments. It’s mostly financial. So we’re lucky in lots of ways. And these tips from Pia just aided me with more understanding on how to improve my relationship with my husband even better.
Thanks again to MommyMundo, SoMoms, Creative Human Resources Group, Bank of the Philippine Islands, and of course One Core for this workshop!
PS: Building relationships with your children to be posted soon!
Learn more about Coach Pia here!